


flames to burn out

by callaina



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Universe, Comfort/Angst, Developing Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Kakashi has OCD, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:09:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28371417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callaina/pseuds/callaina
Summary: Iruka hovers over him when he lies back down, his long hair framing his face like a curtain, blocking out the rest of the world for him. Iruka smiles, his nose crinkling, eyes full of warmth as if they weren’t about to fuck, as if Kakashi was something precious, something he wanted to keep close.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 12
Kudos: 165





	flames to burn out

“When was the last time you bottomed for someone?”

Kakashi thinks about this as he shoves a pillow under his hips. Iruka hovers over him when he lies back down, his long hair framing his face like a curtain, blocking out the rest of the world for him. Iruka smiles, his nose crinkling, eyes full of warmth as if they weren’t about to fuck, as if Kakashi was something precious, something he wanted to keep close.

He blows a strand of silver away from Kakashi’s forehead and rubs the wrinkles out of Kakashi’s frown. “Hey, what’s that face for?”

Sex with Iruka was not what he had expected, at all. By the time Iruka pours lube onto his fingers, Kakashi’s face is flushed and his thoughts on a standstill. He can’t help but clench when Iruka first circles his rim though, the sensation cold against searing skin. “Breathe,” Iruka murmurs, kisses his thigh. And Kakashi closes his eyes, bends his neck when Iruka takes just the head of his cock in his mouth, humming around it while he pushes one finger in.

He faintly remembers the stretch from the last time he had someone else fill him. But it was a while ago and his body isn’t used to it, so they take their time. What he doesn’t remember is ever being praised so sweetly during sex, and his face is flushed not just from arousal. Iruka calls him a good, good boy, and Kakashi’s eyes flutter shut. His nervous system alights, and his thighs are shaking by the time Iruka has three slick fingers inside of him.

Most of his days, Kakashi’s thoughts debate against him. It’s not a matter of arguing back because he knows his resistance is like a lit match meeting the pool of gasoline that is his mind. He doesn’t think he’s a good person for no reasons in particular. He doesn’t think he’s a good person, period.

But Iruka – the first time they slept together was a mere hook-up. The second time Kakashi realized he didn’t want anyone else to bask in Iruka’s attention like this. The third time he knew if he could bottle up Iruka’s sounds, he would. The fourth time Iruka asked him to stay after. Then, Kakashi lost count.

Iruka pushes into him, carefully, so carefully, and Kakashi wants to tell him to go and hurt him like some sort of reckoning for all that he is, but he keeps his mouth shut against the burn that turns pleasant the more he breathes, until Iruka’s hips meet his ass, until they are both panting, covered in a fine layer of sweat.

His legs are hitched over Iruka’s shoulders and Iruka dives for a kiss as he begins rocking slowly, letting Kakashi acclimatize to the motion, and Kakashi groans into his mouth. Keeps, in fact, groaning because he might not be good but he  _ feels  _ like it, and he tells Iruka so. It gets him another kiss and a lose fist around his cock to fuck into and find his own release while Iruka whispers into his ear how he never thought he would get to see him like this, and  _ thank you, Kakashi _ .

After, they shower together because Kakashi doesn’t think he can stand on his own. His senses seem to come back to him, though, because he sends Iruka away into bed with the promise he’ll be there soon.

He stands in front of the bathroom mirror and brushes his teeth, the flush on his skin not even attempting to calm down, both from the shower and the sex. He wonders whether he can get away with changing the sheets without Iruka pouting at him from where he’s comfortable as he shifts the contents of his bathroom shelf around, the toothpaste to the far left, the mint-colored box where he keeps his contacts in front of it. He prods at the bottle of painkillers until it feels right and starts brushing his teeth, toothpaste and all, from the beginning when he realizes he stopped midway through.

When he puts his toothbrush away, he looks into the mirror and sees Iruka leaning against the doorframe, just watching him. Kakashi raises an eyebrow.

“I thought you’d come back to bed,” Iruka says, shrugging, and sidles up behind Kakashi, hugs his waist. “It’s been half an hour. I almost fell asleep.”

Kakashi doesn’t meet his eyes as they both gaze into the mirror and Iruka places a kiss on his shoulder. “Are you coming?”

He nods. “I’ll only get a glass of water.”

Iruka yawns and releases his hold. He doesn’t count on Iruka staying there, waiting for him from the hallway that has a perfect view of the kitchen. Kakashi stands at the sink and stares at it, his neck starting to burn. Normally he would be running his hands over the countertop, readjusting what needed readjusting. Just to check and make sure everything felt right, so that he would feel okay, so that he could actually sleep instead of getting up in the middle of the night when the nausea hits hardest and doing it then. But not when Iruka can see, he thinks, because he is aware of how ridiculous this is, how little sense it makes, these self-imposed rules. He balls his hands into fists against the prickling in his fingers before it gets unbearable and Iruka will see.

Kakashi doesn't have any recollection of when this started and he doubts he would want a confirmation. Linking this to a failed mission, or a death, or an attack on the village, would make the biting images in his head too real. The realization that this madness has made him into a better shinobi in the eyes of the village, unwilling to leave anyone behind at the expense of himself, has an acidic taste to it.

“Should I go back to the bedroom?” Iruka asks, and it’s right there in his voice. He knows. Of course he knows because Iruka is smart, smarter than he lets on. Why would the village trust him with the next generation if they didn't put full faith into his character? Kakashi closes his eyes against the sting of tears but he hasn’t cried in years and he won’t do it now, not over something as stupid as this.

“Yes,” he whispers and hears Iruka walking away.

When Kakashi returns to the bedroom, when he  _ is  _ done, muscles tired and heavy, Iruka is still there in his bed, not miraculously gone like he fears deep down whenever Iruka walks away from him. He exhales a stuttering breath. 

Under the covers, he shifts close until Iruka’s back is flush against his chest and buries his face in the crook of his neck. Iruka, in turn, presses back with a pleased little sigh.

“If I asked you tomorrow, or the day after, or a week from now, whenever you’re ready, to explain to me because I wanted to understand…” Iruka says and Kakashi’s heart almost stops. “Would you?”

Kakashi tightens his hold in response.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this lil thing a while ago, never had the guts to upload, but never really stopped thinking about it either. so, here we are - hooray!!
> 
> i had a terrible, terrible time as a teenager because i didnt know what OCD was and i legitimately thought i was going insane. OCD can be the fucking pits but its also very treatable. i only wish i would have known that its not a love for cleaning or a love for symmetry earlier on. there are _many_ subtypes of OCD, which you can read about [here](https://www.ocduk.org/ocd/types/).
> 
> thanks to miriam for her thoughts on this because i value them so much, and to hazel for the encouragement and laughs <3


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